No one ever said that marriage would be easy, and 'no one' was right. Being married is a great experience for some and a nightmare for others. At the end of the day, just go to bed and know that no matter how the day went, you can try again tomorrow.
Some of the things that may happen are that you and your spouse may argue, get into each others' business, and become so tired you both need to take a break. The other day on the way home from work I was talking with a coworker and we had just about settled down, when out of nowhere, my husband yelled, "You guys are never going to repair!" My coworker and I both looked at each other and said, 'What?'. We both looked each other and said (in unison), 'I never said we were going to repair.'
We both knew it wasn't repair. We both knew I was in a panic, and my coworker and I were both thinking we just made a huge mistake, when out of nowhere, my husband yelled, "No, you're never going to repair!" and he stormed into the bedroom with the door locked.
This is a situation that has happened many times; we just never know when or how it is going to happen. Now, you may be thinking if you didn't repair, what then? Well my friend, if you had waited for your spouse to do their part, and then done yours, then you would be fine. But, this isn't the way it works.
If you have made commitments to your husband or a task or project, and they have been neglected, then you need to make up for that. This is a situation that has to be worked on continuously. You have to continue to give your husband your effort and love. You have to keep asking, "What can I do to help you?"
Now, don't be fooled, your husband is very likely to tell you things like, "I'm fine," or "I don't need any help." Those are lies. Your husband doesn't want to repair, but he is trapped, and he knows it. He was abused in a previous relationship - he needs to get away from that. However, it is going to take some effort for him because you have made some promises to him. I would suggest to him that if you are going to tell you're fine, don't forget to tell them you are working on it, and if you are going to say you don't need help, then don't forget to do it yourself.
Now, I'm not asking you to do everything alone. I'm asking you to keep working on each other, because this is a marriage of two people. It isn't just a relationship of one person. Do this by telling each other nice things, and by working together to make your home a little more homely.
And, you know what? The more you push each other aside for the other person, the more you will upset your husband, and the more you will upset yourself. The more you are able to keep working on the other person, and not on yourself, the more connected you will become. And the more connected you get, the less the need to feel fine, and the less you will be fine.
You are going to be a happier person when you stop looking at the outside world for comfort. And when you have made a concerted effort to connect with your husband, the more you will feel fine.